Ender from Ender’s Game
Junior from Absolutely True Diaries of a Part Time Indian
It
was just after a battle at the school. Ender got the message that there
would be one more member coming to their squad making an uneven 41 for
dragon team. “What’s the news?” Crazy Tom asked.
Ender replied “We’re getting a new player.”
“Why do they keep trying to mess us up?”
No
team in the school had 41 players, it was just another disadvantage.
Sure another player would give them a sheer number strength but other
than that everything else was drawbacks. For starters he would probably
be a launchy a weak new player to the game. Second, Ender had five
squads of eight guys, one more would throw off balance. Topping off the
cake there was no time to train him meaning he wouldn’t know Enders
tactics and just be in the way.
Junior was playing one-on-one basketball with Rowdy when an odd man in a suit came up to him.
“Hello” the man said in a casually.
“You’re
white” Rowdy said out loud. Rowdy and Junior had sort of mended their
relationship over the past month or so, even though their relationship
was so weird that nobody could tell. Rowdy still had no problem making
his opinions vocal.
“I am from the battle school” the man said in a politicians voice.
“Is that supposed to mean something fart face-” Junior stopped him from elaborating.
“What do you want?” He asked suspiciously.
“To
keep it short the battle school looks for gifted young minds to train
into warriors in the war to keep the alien race we call the buggers away
from Earth and the human race. We fear a bugger invasion and are doing
everything we can to be prepared in case of emergency.”
The
laughter that emanated from the basketball court could be heard for
miles around. Junior laughing because this man claimed to be an alien
fighter and Rowdy laughing because he called Junior gifted.
“Keep moving white guy” Rowdy said, tears in his eyes.
“Junior, you need to come with me.”
Junior
shrugged, he didn’t really care, and besides he was white, had a suit,
and he had a badge on his chest. It also looked like he might have a gun
so he decided not to push him, even if he was diagnosably insane.
He got in the car with the man and made sure Rowdy told his parents where he had gone.
About an hour later in a long stretch of desert road he turned on to an unmarked dirt path. Then he saw it, a space shuttle.
If
it was possible for a space launch to be boring then this was it.
Junior knew he should be excited about going into space but he just ….
wasn’t. He got in and prepared for launch. At least they weren’t lying
about the space part he thought.
A chorus of “Sup bro” and “Hey” and even “Ho there” went up. Who said “Ho there”?
“I’m Ender your new commander”
He looked down to see a nine year old boy looking up at him. He could tell it was going to be a long day.
“First off you’re, like, six years younger than me, so bug off. Second, What do mean commander.”
“Wait, are you new to battle school?”
“Yea, I just got here why?”Junior answered.
Ender
was speechless, they couldn’t do this to him, not again. He wasn’t even
a launchy, he wasn’t from battle school At all! Plus he was older so he
probably thought he was all high and mighty. This was just another
obstacle not a gift, but he had already known that.
He
was proud and some of his teammates didn’t seem to like it. He supposed
they hadn’t expected a rookie to do well. He got a note later saying he
could leave. On the shuttle back he asked why he had to go.
The man said “They are our best team and you were a challenge to overcome.”
“Well it looks like your plan backfired.”
“Actually we expected them to be able to win even with you on the team.”
“But I did well, I lasted a long time and shot some of them.”
“Junior,
I hate to tell you this, but you didn’t shoot any enemies, in fact you
shot six of your own teammates and even though it seemed like a long
time you got flashed after about 30 seconds.” Then Junior went home.
I personally thought the story was good overall.I felt satisfied after reading it. the shuttle I thought was strongly described.i like how he went into depth with how confused junior was.“Wait, are you new to battle school?”
ReplyDelete“Yea, I just got here why?" I thought the beggining should have introduced me a little better, because if yo have never read enders game you have no idea what the teams, battle school, or who ender and tom are.
I think this story was fantastic. I kind of felt inspired after reading it because it made me want to do a better job writing my future short story's. It made me remember the movie "shark boy and lava girl" because that movie was about space travel too. It was hard to pick but my favorite line had to be this:Junior laughing because this man claimed to be an alien fighter and Rowdy laughing because he called Junior gifted. I thought this line was one of the best lines from the story because not only was humorous but it explained Juniors and Rowdy's relationship in a witty way. Although the beginning wasn't my favorite part of the story i think that is where you used great elements of strong description. the way Junior and Rowdy talk to other people is one of the things that makes this story really authentic because they are clearly two boys who don't hold back. The way you made the characters keep it real like actual teens makes this story about aliens a little more realistic.I think this essay was the best one that I have read but if i had to pick something to comment on it would be about the confusing ending. I don't know if its just me but the ending didn't really make a lot of sense. It made me question whether they where playing basketball or not. But anyways,Great job!
ReplyDeleteThank you guys!
ReplyDeletei thought that this was really thought out and well done. i could definitely picture this happening in Ender's Game and the battle school was well described. I especially liked, " Ender was speechless, they couldn’t do this to him, not again." I thought that that was what ender would say if he were given this situation. The conversation between them seemed fluid and authentic and i could definitely tell that they didn't like one another. The only thing i didn't like was the beginning. as one who has not read absolutely true diary of a part time indian i have no idea what you're talking about. Other than that i liked it.
ReplyDeleteHi Sean! I love the humor you used throughout your story. One of my favorite lines is “Junior laughing because this man claimed to be an alien fighter and Rowdy laughing because he called Junior gifted”. You have a very distinct writing voice and you held onto it throughout the entire story. I also really liked the ending. I was expecting Junior to do well at battle school and prove Ender and his teammates wrong, but the surprising defeat and Junior’s failure turned out to be pretty funny and fit the style of the story well. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others the humor in the story was there and I like the ending to have junior stay but that's just my personal opinion not that it was bad or lazy but that it was good. just keep him on the ship so you could write another story rather than him leaving. just for that I give your story a 9.8 out of 10 because of that one thing I would have preferred and question. what battle hare you talking about in the beginning? just would like some clarification on that detail.
ReplyDelete